We are so thrilled to welcome a couple who has the same heart and mission as Heart of Dating! Kait talks to Tovares and Safa Grey from Godly Dating 101 today on a unique episode! They are a young couple who have a passion for seeing relationships done in a godly way! They advocate for a purity of heart and their podcast and instagram are both on fire for God! (So make sure to check it out if you haven’t yet!). They designed it to encourage believers to date God’s way and discuss some “taboo” topics.

So because we know they are well rounded when it comes to all things Christian Dating, Kait decided to put them on the “Hot Seat” and ask them some of your biggest dating questions!

Before, we get started, could you share a little bit of why you started Godly Dating 101?

• Tovares shares he was just posting a lot on social media, and noticed people were hungry for advice on relationships.
• His hope was to share about dating and relationships in a godly way.
• Over time, Godly Dating 101 blew up and they began the podcast.
• They saw a need for practical dating steps for a godly relationship in an approachable way!

“Where are all the good men?!”

• It’s more of a spiritual battle in church. The men who are living godly lives are under spiritual attack.
• There are great men and they exist, a lot of time they just need time to grow as well.
• We’re not always seeing where someone is spiritually and sometimes we’re focused too much on wanted a “finished product”
• “Are you looking for a good man or you looking for a godly man? Are you looking for a “perfect man” or are you looking for a godly man?” -her
• Women shouldn’t take on projects, but they should be seeking someone who is consistently looking to grow.
• “Many times our preferences blind us to what God has for us” -Tovares

“Why are men seemingly intimidated by women?”

• We’re all children of God, so there’s no need to be intimidated.
• “A lot of times, a woman won’t speak to you, no matter how much they like you if you don’t have confidence with your approach”
• How a woman reacts when a man approaches her is what not “intimidates” him but what discourages him from pursuing her further.
• Sometimes it may seem intimidating if a woman carries herself in a way as she is “independent” in the sense of not needing a guy. Men do like to feel needed, so sometimes this can be intimidating for a man who doesn’t understand leadership from a godly perspective and that it’s totally OK to be independent.

“How do you get out of the friendzone?”

• There’s no specific way, it’s just a matter of changing the narrative!
• You have to make your intentions known. Men and women, don’t assume the other person knows you’re interested.
• You have to avoid a “friendationship” and be honest and open!

“Ok… How do you handle someone telling you ‘God told me you’re my spouse!’?”

• It’s definitely something you should pray about it, and not just brush it off just because you’re not interested 
• Be careful to not confuse God’s plan with the desires of your heart.
• If God truly tells you something be wary of telling anyone, and simply pray about it.
• Be careful of this being a form of manipulation.

“How do we date during a pandemic well and safely?!”

• Both of them share that they actually got sick during the pandemic… so stay safe and be careful!
• It can be harder to get to know a person when you don’t get to know them IN person.
• Get creative over facetime! Plan a date, make dinner, or play a game!
• It’s not an easy time to date, but not an impossible time.

“How important is attraction?”

• It’s important and necessary, however not the most important thing.
• You want to be physically attracted to your spouse in your marriage.
• Attraction isn’t everything but it is something.
• The closer you get to God the more attracted you’ll be to the things He has for you
• If you follow God’s will, He will change the desires of your heart.

“How do I know if I should go back to an ex?”

• If you feel God is bringing you back to them, and you SEE the growth then you can seek God about getting back together.
• Make sure it’s not out of loneliness or nostalgia
• It’s a matter of making sure prayer is the initial reason.

What is your final nugget of dating advice?

• Wait on God. The reason why we’re here is to seek Him.
• What God has for you is better than what you can imagine for yourself. Don’t limit God to your idea of what you want in a spouse.
• Take the plunge! Rip up your lists and be willing to approach/be approached by someone you may have dismissed in the past!
• Be willing to see what God has for you!

Other Resources:

Find Tovares and Safa on Instagram HERE

Find the Godly Dating 101 Podcast  HERE