How do you REALLY know they are right for you?

with

Kait Warman & JJ Tomlin

Kait & JJ discuss how you really know they are right for you, how to evaluate, discern and even reasons you shouldn't stay.

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In This Episode

Evaluation

JJ’s Evaluation and Story

Big Deal # 1

Big Deal # 2

Discernment

Reasons NOT to stay

Evaluation

IT IS an evaluation through time.
If you are UNCLEAR about what you are looking for, you will likely be UNCLEAR about if you should be with them when it comes down to it.
SUPER important to have CORE VALUES…but also not have such a STRICT list
FREEBIE GUIDE: Discover Your Core Values and Non Negotiables https://www.heartofdating.com/resource/discover-your-non-negotiables-and-core-values

JJ’s Evaluation and Story

To clarify, I think we all are on the same page here.. With divorce at 50% in the CHURCH, there is no reason to accelerate the timeline here unless you are 100% on board with the decision! - JJ
You have NEVER heard anybody say “I really regret dating her and making sure that it was the right decision.. It took me 3 months too long”

For me there was a BIG difference between continuing to be in the relationship and building towards marriage vs. the decision to MARRY her.. - JJ

Big Deal # 1

Do you LIKE hanging out with this person?
Song of Solomon- SOLOMON is 1000% THRILLED beyond thrilled to be with his wife

There has to be excitement
BUT this doesn’t fully relate to just physical attraction. It’s SO much more. It’s depth, safety, and trust. Emotional and spiritual connection.

Big Deal # 2

Man’s heart needs to be IGNITED
A deep desire to work through things NO MATTER WHAT

Discernment

Community- BOARD OF ADVISORS, Mentor, Therapist

CS Lewis says- “Those that have NO direction will not have fellow travelers”-- NEED to have deep friendships
PAUL- single person with incredibly DEEP friendships
Sometimes your FAMILY is NOT your wise counsel - and that is OKAY

‍

Reasons NOT to stay

Just because you have been with them for so long
Because you are scared there is NO ONE else close to them, even WITH their flaws – scarcity
You can FIX them - (e.g. you are equipped via YOUR TRAUMA to fix them)

Kait Warman

Kait Warman is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018.

Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area and loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.

JJ Tomlin

JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.

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