• Holly discusses the dynamic of her relationship with her trafficker: he was someone charismatic, charming, and made her feel like he was her soulmate
• After a year into her “relationship” it started to become more and more violent. She discovered there were other girls as well as discovered he had some sexual perversions. 
• Holly didn’t know he was a trafficker at the time, but did start to believe that the perverted and abusive “love” from him was what she deserved due to her promiscuous past.
• Over time, the situation became more and more manipulative, and she stayed feeling like she was in competition for his love with other women.

‍

• Holly talks about how the trafficking was not the worst part of the relationship because she exited very quickly during that time, but instead it was the physical and emotional abuse.
• The violence and abuse, the ups and downs and manipulation destroyed an identity she created for herself which made her feel lost.
• The endorphins of feeling like she was in love consistently sucked her back into the abuse cycle.
• Holly shares that following the violence, her trafficker would show remorse and sleep with her that would make her feel connected and bonded to him again.

‍

• Holly talks about her journey of having to fall in love with the little things about herself again.
• She shares how a lot of her healing happened within the context of dating and having to relearn how she should be treated again.
• Even after being saved, she still had a hard time learning how to be in a healthy relationship as she was used to the trauma.
• Being with someone who treats her well was something that wasn’t the norm for her. She said it felt like an “Itchy sweater” at first because she had become accustomed to the abuse cycle, chaos, and intensity.
• To truly find someone that treats you well, you first have to start treating yourself kinder. Learning to love others comes with having to learn how to love yourself.

‍

• Self-esteem comes from doing esteemable acts. You have to ask yourself how you’re showing up in the world! Are you living with integrity? Are you showing up in the world
• When you do esteemable acts, it helps build your own self-esteem from the inside out and is a practical way to help on the healing journey.
• Form healthy friendships and community and practice to be the person you are looking for.
• Give grace for yourself as you’re walking through the journey of healing as there will be moments where you feel like you’re being pulled back into the trauma headspace.

“The healthier we are, the healthier our relationships are” -Holly Christine Hayes

• Date the nice guy! Let yourself try even if it feels like that “itchy sweater” and you’re not used to it.
• We need “boring” in our relationships more than you think! We don’t need the intensity and drama we’ve become accustomed to in our relationships.

“If you can find yourself a man who is impressively kind, you are gonna be good in this world.”