Cole explains that he was actually raised in a home where his parents truly focused on his relationship with God FIRST before the “rules of christianity.” His mom would always say when he was leaving the house, “remember who you are and whose you are.” (We love this!!!) 

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Placing such a high importance on sexual sin vs. any other sin has really hindered people from seeing sex for what God orgionally designed it to be (beautiful). 

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Caitlin wasn’t raised in the church so her upbringing was very different from Cole’s. When she did did enter the church, she started consuming alllll the purity culture books and there were SO many DIFFERENT opinions happening in those books y’all! 

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Caitlin hits the nail on the head when she says that purity culture really labeled sex as BAD and that itself is PROBLEMATIC! Sex was created by GOD, it’s not a dirty thing! Purity culture made virginity the prize and that’s not true! Cole often says, virginity is not purity, it’s the FRUIT of purity! We are meant to CELEBRATE sex for what God intended it for! 

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When Cole was trying to understand the Father’s heart of calling us to be HOLY in 1 Peter. So often when we think about being holy we realized how UNHOLY we are, and that creates SHAME. When Cole was really seeking to understand, God gave him this sentence, “In our fight against legalism, which we do need to fight against, we CANNOT sacrifice OBEDIENCE.” 

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The challenge around purity really does become RULES without RELATIONSHIP! Cole has found that very rarely, even IN the church, does someone have a really close and deep relationship with Jesus Christ. 

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For Cole, he was TAUGHT the truth, but not FORCED to live it out, he had to DECIDE to, and that made all the difference for him! 

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It’s so important to have a SAFE place to share sin and mistakes with people who will give you GRACE and point you back to Jesus. 

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Shame makes you believe you’re stuck. It makes you feel like you are a mistake and stuck in a spiral. The devil wants you to be stuck and believe lies. When leaders are scared, they try to control…woah! Cole said it best, “Whenever you’re leading out of the fruit of the demonic realm instead of the fruit of the spirit, the results are going to end with shame.” 

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Caitlin shares her story about how she shared her sexual past with a leader and was met with so much GRACE! The healthiest route to sharing sexual pasts with your boyfriend/girlfriend is for each person to be totally willing and ready to share anything once you realize you’re probably going to marry that person. They’re both mentally and emotionally ready to get married. What Cole and Caitlin find, is that in a healthy, God led relationship, most often it’s not necessary to have this conversation. Cole had a whole mic drop moment from around 30:50 - 33:45 go listen RIGHT NOW!!! 

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Caitlin talks about her story and how she felt “taunted” by shameful moments of her past. She found that what was hidden was haunting her and she had to bring it to the light! She went over to her mentor’s house at 1am (which btw was Cole’s MOM!!!) and confessed everything she could think of, and in those moments the devil lost his power. James 5:16, NIV: "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” 

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Shame is rooted in the fear of man. It’s rooted in the NEED to be in good standing with people. Cole’s mom taught him and his siblings to not care what other people think and to not do things just because other people are. Seek the Lord in BURNING out the fear of man! Sometimes our fear is self-induced by what we THINK others are going to THINK! 

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Cole’s final nugget of dating advice is that it is ABSOLUTELY worth it to make God the number one priority in your dating life! Seek the heart of God and pursing that, and worshiping with your life. Caitlin’s final nugget of dating advice is knowing yourself. It is so important to know and see yourself the way God does. You have to uproot the lies and pain from your past so you can be a healthy, whole person. You have to know yourself the way God knows you.

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