TLC says that there are always aspects of it that are really hard. She doesn’t think that God wants us to just stuff those down. He wants us to come to him and talk to him and the people who know and love us about how hard this season can be. 

Every time we take something to the Lord, share our heart with him, we ask him to speak into it, we listen to him, and obey him, every single time that happens it strengthens and fortifies our relationship with the Lord. 

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Feeling seen and heard by friends and trusted people, even when circumstances don’t change is a game changer. One of the things that has become a non-negotiable for TLC is to have an emotionally healthy support team in her life. 

TLC had a relationship once she got back into open singleness that felt like a jarring in her life and became really important. After that she dove into some really intense therapy trying to get herself emotionally healthy. It took something dramatic though, it took her not recognizing herself to do something drastic to change. During this time she had a group of girlfriends who surrounded her in really amazing ways and that’s when she saw the true need for emotional and spiritual maturity in friendships. 

When you watch how friends handle their own struggles it shows you a lot about their emotional health. How do they self evaluate? Are they self aware? Are they a gossip? Have they done significant therapy? Do they see areas where they need to grow? How do they respond when they don’t get what they want? 

TLC does create traditions for herself, and they’re things that she’d love to continue if one day she does get married. She books herself a solo trip to NYC every year and she sees old friends, tries some new things alone and she always looks forward to it so much. On Thanksgiving night she does a leftovers party and it’s only for singles people, everyone brings their thanksgiving leftovers and there have been dates that have come from this party! 

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The meaningfulness and significance of all of this is 1) it takes you out of a place of self pity, but 2) it is also a way to show compassion and kindness to someone else who may be bent towards self pity in that space. It brings community, and builds the body of Christ. It also helps squash the sin of self pity. Which is why showing up to serve somewhere is a great thing to do during the holidays to get you out of thinking about yourself. This helps us to be others focused. 

We can’t assume that our friends can read our minds and know our needs. We’re responsible for communicating our needs to our friends. Put things out there, and let them be known. The kind of people we want to be in those spaces with, are people who would not make you feel like a burden in that space. They’re the kind of people who care about your heart and want to lean into it. They want to show up for you, they just might not know that you need someone to show up for you. You lean into relationships where you feel seen and valued and loved.