4 Reasons You Might Be Swiping Into Oblivion

Let’s get straight into it.

1. Lack of intention

     The first mistake we make is that we aren’t intentional while looking for potential partners. Are you scrolling and swiping while watching a movie or sitting at a red light? This is like showing up to a workout and being on Instagram the whole time. Yes, you’re still there, but you’re not really present or focused. Make sure to carve out some time during your day and be really intentional and aware. Don’t just do it when you have a random spare minute.

2. It’s a mindset issue

     Lots of people have this mindset of ‘been there, done that. Online dating doesn’t work, there are no legit guys, everyone is only looking for casual.’ When you show up with a mindset like that, your brain will look for exactly that. So it’s possible that you’re setting yourself up for failure before even opening your app at all, because you’ve already decided it won’t work!

     So much of swiping into oblivion starts with your mindset. Instead of thinking negatively of it all, think of the positive. It’s possible for God to have someone incredible for you online, and it’s possible that you can have fun doing this. Look for evidence of that, because you’re creating your own reality.

3. You’re too attached to the results

     It’s really good to have clarity and know what you’re looking for in a serious relationship, but there’s a difference between having clarity and having a chip on your shoulder. Online dating is all about being open to possibility. If you’re too attached to a certain result or outcome, you’ll be showing up with way too much pressure which will make it hard for things to work out. Nobody wants to date someone they feel is just sizing them up for marriage.

4. They just aren’t your type

     I did a compatibility series a few months ago on my podcast, and I talked through the reasons why we might be potentially eliminating people. And it often comes down to the fact that we have preferences that we are holding onto so tightly and treating like a non-negotiable. Maybe we don’t straight up say that, but we subconsciously treat it like that. And this shows up most on dating apps, because on dating apps we usually swipe left or right based on things like a person's age, height, ethnicity, weight, and location. Without even reading their profile and interests, you’ve already made a decision about this person.

     So be honest with yourself. Why are you swiping right or left on these people? Maybe it’s time to shake up your idea of type and preferences. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? You swipe right on a guy who’s a little shorter than you and it doesn’t work out. Or you swipe right on someone that’s a different ethnicity than you’d normally date, and you end up having a great connection with them, realize you share lots of core values, and build a friendship together. You never know without challenging yourself.

     And if you still don’t want to let go of some of your preferences, ask yourself this: would you like it if someone swiped left on you because they think you’re too tall? Or because of your weight? Think about if you’re doing this to other people and swiping based on things they cannot control.

     Maybe you won’t transform all your preferences overnight, and that’s okay, but you can start by picking two things, like height and ethnicity for example, and being a little bit more flexible with them when doing your daily swiping.

So, what should you avoid doing when using a dating app?

     One of the top things that we look for as Christians is to see if this person is legit a person of faith. But it can be a little triggering when someone dm’s you and suddenly starts interrogating you on your faith and relationship with Jesus. My relationship with Jesus is the most important thing to me, and so it puts me on defense when a person I don’t even know starts trying to figure out if I fit the mold of what they’re looking for.

     When you’re getting to know someone online, you want to get to know the person, not make them feel like they’re being interviewed. This person has a life, and if your only objective is to find out how legit a person's faith is, it actually speaks of pride. We are not the spiritual or morality police. So instead be curious, get to know the person, and let their faith reveal itself as you get to know them.

     Another thing I want to bring up is that we have put a lot of spiritual expectations based on what we think is right. And we think that if other people don’t speak or act a certain way, then we can’t be with them. But in this case, you’re just putting your expectation of what this other person's relationship with God should look like, without seeking to understand who this person really is and how they connect with God. You can’t judge a person’s relationship with Jesus over a DM.