Specifically, have you ever dated an emotionally unavailable person? 

First, let’s define what an emotionally unavailable person typically looks like… An emotionally unavailable person is someone who is unable to meet your emotional needs in a relationship. Sound familiar? Now, this can be for a variety of reasons: maybe they’re not in a healthy place, not able to connect to their own emotions, OR, they just may be in a tough season in life. 

Here’s the tricky thing about all of this: an emotionally unavailable person is typically the person who seems mysterious or alluring, hard to get, and is the person you feel drawn to and want to date. Again, sound familiar? 

It’s almost like we want what we know deep deep down we can’t actually have. 

I, myself, struggled with this A LOT in my dating season. I didn’t realize a pattern of this until later in my life after a toxic and abusive relationship. I would usually go for the guy every girl wanted (often emotionally unavailable)  because I was so obsessed with the idea of proving that I could land what others couldn’t. Spoiler alert: There was a reason why other girls couldn’t… it’s because they shouldn’t and I shouldn’t have either. LESSON. LEARNED.

So, what do you do about this? 

If any of this resonates with you, my biggest advice is to really figure out your top red flags. Perfect timing for this right?! 

If you’ve proven to be blinded to emotionally unavailable people in the past then take ownership of your tendencies and build out a list of the red flags you normally are attracted to. By being aware of these things the next time you enter into a dating relationship, you’ll know to not fall for what you typically fall for.

For example, when I was dating, a big red flag that I would often fall for was love bombing. I LOVED the grand gestures, the big words, and alllll of the extra romance. I mean I’m a Disney fan, how could I not?! But I quickly learned, after much heartache, that this love bombing was in fact a bomb. It was completely destructive to my dating life and I had to be aware moving forward that this was something to look out for, not fall head over heels for.

Another example of a red flag in a person that could be emotionally unavailable is someone who isn’t consistent in word and action but always has a great excuse. THIS is HUGE! Chances are (I don’t want to speak for every situation but hear me out) they probably aren’t as “busy” as they’re admitting and they may just not be that into you. BUT THAT IS OKAY! They’re most likely in a place where they can’t commit and don’t want to move forward with a dating relationship because they know what’s expected of them ahead and that’s not something they want or are ready for right now.

Friend, if you feel like you’re stuck in this pattern… you’re not alone and you can get out! If you want to learn more on this topic, check out one of my favorite podcast episodes, What If You Attract Emotionally Unavailable People...With Hailey Kenyon!