Never Been in a Relationship

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Each week we’ll drop in with practical dating advice, funny relatable stories, answers to hard questions, and content created to equip YOU in your dating life. So much better than junk mail, am I right?

next episode

Never Been in a Relationship

with

Kait Tomlin

“Will a potential bf/gf think something is wrong with me if I have never dated anyone before?”

“What if I don’t know what I’m doing? Will they be able to tell?”

“Have I missed out on valuable lessons that would help me find a meaningful relationship?”

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I have a lot to say about these fears, but I want to start with this:

Feeling like you are behind in dating because of little experience is MORE common than you may even think.

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In This Episode

The reality is the average age that people are getting married these days is hovering around 30… and that increases for people in BIG cities.

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If you clicked on this then you’re probably the person who has never been in a relationship OR you’re the opposite and just curious as to how someone could have never ever been in a relationship.

When you are not dating or focusing on dating, here are some areas you are building:

Building your career and managing your finances
Dating and finding a life partner
Maintaining your mental and physical health

One great caveat to keep in mind- all the amazing things you have learned building your life… are GREAT tools you can also utilize in dating.

I want to remind you of something that you MAY NOT think about, this is SO important. I want to walk you through a mindset SWITCH here when it comes to feeling “behind” in dating.

You may think you are the only one with little dating experience, BUT that is a lie. The REALITY is that there are sooooo many people who feel behind in their lives when it comes to dating. Especially Christians I might add.

And guess what? What you think puts you “behind” in terms of dating may ALSO be what puts you “ahead” in other areas- like emotional development, financial situation, career, and more. And those are all great things too!

Also, did you know that MEN tend to be the ones who actually feel more behind in dating?! Because by nature, men tend to feel less pressure biologically and can often focus on things such as health, finances, and careers.

So if you are a woman reading this, KEEP THAT in mind! There are a TON of guys out there who also feel behind in dating.

Okay, so I’d love to do some other encouragement now.

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1-The right person for you will NOT CARE how much dating experience you’ve had.

If they do, they aren’t for you. Simple as that. All you can do as someone who doesn’t have a ton of experience, is be COMMITTED TO GROWTH. Which *spoiler* even someone with a lot of experience needs this too.

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2-Even people with a lot of experience have NO idea what they are doing.

This was me for a LOT of my life. I dated in UNHEALTHY ways and didn’t do the deep work into diving into what was going on with ME behind the scenes. Tons of relationship history does NOT mean tons of relationship maturity. In order to have relationship maturity you need to actually DO THE WORK of getting curious about yourself- why you re showing up certain ways, how to find healthy ways of communicating, how to navigate conflict well, addressing the fears, anxieties, and insecurities in YOU, ETC

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3-You have more relationship experience than you think you do.

Have you ever had a roommate? A close friend? Roommates are a GREAT picture of sometimes the harder dynamics of relationships. You have to deal with conflict. Different communication styles. Different preferences. Some of my BEST learning experiences for dating have come from roommates…. Truly! And I have been in a LOT of romantic relationships

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4-Encouragement from Gary Thomas- would you rather be married for 50 years and feel alone and discouraged? Or would you rather be married for 40-45 years and feel joyous, and connected?

The difference is WAITING. Some people have dated a lot. Some people get married to the people they dated and MAY because of that be incredibly lonely.

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5-YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE even if romantic love hasn’t found you yet.

To the single who has never been in a relationship, I want you to know that that’s more than okay. It doesn’t decrease your value and your inexperience doesn’t make you any less. I encourage you to TRUST Him with your dating life and love story… He’s taken great care of protecting your heart so far… let Him continue to do so.

For more on this topic, check out my podcast episode with Chaz Smith, Never Been in a Relationship!