Heart of Dating couldn’t be more honored than to welcome one of Kait’s dearest friends to the show today… Kat Harris!

Kat is a Brooklyn-based online educator, digital content creator, female empowerment advocate. Her vision is for women to know their beauty, identity and value. She has a B.S. in Biblical Studies from Dallas Baptist University and is Co-Founder of the online publication The Refined Woman and host of The Refined Collective Podcast. 

Today, we are celebrating the release of her brand new book “Sexless in the City:A Sometimes Sassy, Sometimes Painful, Always Honest Look at Dating, Desire, and Sex”

In this episode, Kat and Kait discuss all things sexual desire, purity culture, and even modesty!

You JUST released your new book “Sexless in the City” could you tell us about it?

• She wrote it to unpack any hot question she’s had about God and sexuality
• She is vulnerable, discussing shame and her own story in this book
• She wanted to have open conversations on sex and sexuality thats not rooted in shame
• Sexuality and desire isn’t who you are, but it is apart of the human experience

What do you do with your sexuality and desire if you’re choosing to not have sex before marriage?

• There’s a difference between sexual desire and a desire for sex
• Sexuality is just a bigger and broader thing that makes us want to connect with other people
• If sexuality were a book, sex and intimacy would be one chapter
• To embrace your sexual desire, first you have to acknowledge you sexual desire and show gratitude towards your body
• Sexuality is not embarrassing, God made it.
• Practice the art of being present and alive with your senses
• Practice embodiment and going from your head to your heart

You talk in your book about masturbation, could you break down the desire to masturbate?

• One of the most human experiences is sexual desire
• When you feel the urge to masturbate, bring it God and acknowledge that desire
• Scripture is very clear on lust but not masturbation
• Kat personally believes there’s healthy ways to masturbate

How do we empower men and women to reframe modesty?

• We are not the sum of our urges and men are not animals
• We are humans made in the image of God, and we are dehumanizing men if we feel they cannot control themselves
• Lust is not a solely male issue and women’s bodies have been oversexualized
• This doesn’t mean we throw modesty out the window, but there is way to reframe it. Kat recommends “A return to Modesty” by Wendy Shallot
• Modest can actually be an empowering thing.
• It’s all about context, clothes, and presence
• Look at the motivation of your heart and why you’re wearing the clothes you choose
• God also cares about our hearts not just behavior modification.

 What is your final nugget of dating advice?

• Show up in dating with a posture of curiosity

Connect with Kat!

Follow Kat on Instagram HERE

Order her book HERE