Anxious Attachment

People with anxious attachment are often caught in a cycle of craving and fearing love. Adam revealed that anxious individuals typically become "approval-seeking, desperate for validation, and operate from a position of inferiority."

In relationships, this manifests as constantly worrying about a partner’s love and commitment. A common scenario is the anxious individual feeling immense relief and connection quickly, only to be devastated if their partner pulls away even slightly.

Avoidant Attachment

Avoidant attachment is marked by independence to the point of isolation. These individuals often view other people as untrustworthy or as risks, building emotional walls to protect themselves.

Adam noted that avoidant types "flood with cortisol and are chronically stressed, which makes them unable to genuinely bond with others." In relationships, avoidants might initiate strong but fleeting connections that rapidly fizzle out when things get too intimate.

Disorganized Attachment

This style is a mixture of anxious and avoidant tendencies. Disorganized attachment can lead to erratic relationship behaviors where the individual vacillates between craving closeness and fearing it.

Adam explained that disorganized individuals often experienced severe trauma that disrupted their ability to form secure bonds. This makes relationships an intense battleground where love and fear are constantly at odds.

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How Attachment Styles Affect Your Relationship with God

Adam brilliantly connected attachment styles with our spiritual lives, noting how avoidants might see God as harsh and judgmental, while anxious individuals often struggle with feeling unworthy of His love.

Understanding your attachment style can be a powerful revelation in deepening your faith and experiencing God’s unconditional love. Secure attachment mirrors the childlike faith Jesus spoke about, where you trust fully and know you are loved unconditionally.

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While discovering your attachment style can be daunting, it's not a hopeless journey. Adam emphasized that healing is a relational process. "We are relational beings. We get broken in relationships and we must heal in relationships," he stated.

Steps to Healing:

1. Build Strong Friendships: Invest in friendships and family relationships where you can practice healthy interactions.
2. Work on Self-Understanding: Tools like therapy or coaching can be invaluable. Adam’s attachment repair programs offer comprehensive support, including group and individual coaching.
3. Spiritual Healing: Work on your relationship with God, understanding your worth and His love for you. Scripture reading and prayer can help reframe how you see yourself and your relationship with the divine.
4. Ask the Hard Questions: In dating, don’t shy away from asking deep, meaningful questions early on. This helps filter out unhealthy connections and fosters more secure bonds.

The Science of Love: Dopamine, Oxytocin, and Vasopressin

Adam broke down the fascinating brain chemistry behind attachment:

• Oxytocin:
  Often called the "love hormone," oxytocin is produced when we form emotional bonds and feel safe. It inhibits cortisol (the stress hormone), promoting calmness and trust.
• Dopamine:
  This plays a key role in pleasure and reward but shouldn’t be the primary focus in relationships.
• Vasopressin:
  Linked to bonding, especially in long-term committed relationships. It's associated with social behavior, sexual motivation, and pair bonding.

Understanding these chemicals can help you foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships by focusing on secure attachment behaviors that promote oxytocin and vasopressin over a dopamine-driven high.

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There you have it, HOD fam! Understanding your attachment style and working towards secure attachment can revolutionize your relationships and deepen your spiritual life. With awareness and effort, you can heal and experience love as it was meant to be—both with people and with God.

Don't forget to check out Adam's resources at adamlanesmith.com for more insights and tools on this journey to secure attachment. And as always, we'll see you next week with more transformative content!

Stay blessed and secure, Kait and JJ

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