How do you REALLY know they are right for you?

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How do you REALLY know they are right for you?

with

Kait Tomlin

How do you REALLY know they are right for you?!

It’s definitely not an easy ‘1,2,3’ step process to determine if someone is right for you or not. While it is SO important, we often put so much pressure on making the right decision that we often lean too logically and put our personal feelings and peace on the back burner…

When in reality, this is YOUR decision. YOUR feelings. YOUR peace. YOUR future.

There’s a lot that goes into figuring out if someone is right for you, so let’s dive in…

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In This Episode

How do you properly evaluate your relationship?

First things first, evaluations take one word: TIME. This isn’t (and should not be) a decision you can easily make overnight. Let’s be honest… you’ve probably NEVER heard anybody say “I really regret dating her and making sure that it was the right decision. It took me 3 months too long.” But you do hear people say “I wish I took a bit more time getting to know them before getting engaged”. The key difference here is… taking TIME that is paced with loads of wisdom.

Ask yourself: Are they helping you advance toward the Kingdom? Are they challenging you to be mission-minded? Are you better for His glory together than you are apart?

The biggest thing to evaluate here is how your relationship stacks up with God’s will and purpose for your life. So many singles are out there looking for "the one" instead of looking for the RIGHT ONE. The right one is someone who draws you closer to God and encourages you in your God-given purpose. Ask yourself… Is this relationship just fun and feely or are you truly running the race together?

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Do your core values and lives align?

If you are UNCLEAR about what you are looking for, you will likely be UNCLEAR about if you should be with them when it comes down to it. I cannot stress this enough! If you don’t know your core values and non-negotiables, I encourage you to check out our FREE guide to help you discover what they may be for you.

You don’t have to do this evaluation alone. Talk to God about it! Over time, He will make it very clear to you what He wants for you and your relationship.

When should you walk away from a relationship?

Let me be the first to remind you that being alone is better than being in the wrong relationship. Even though you may be lonely in singleness, trust me when I say there is nothing worse than being in a lonely marriage.

I often hear “But we’ve been together for so long” as an excuse to continue in a relationship that you’re significantly doubting. Now I’m not saying that you should give up the second things go awry. But please listen to me… don’t stay in an unhealthy or harmful relationship just because you have been with them for so long and you feel comfortable and have a lot of history. The harsh reality is you probably won’t be able to “fix them” like you think… and you shouldn’t have to.

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Here are 5 signs that it may be time to walk away…

Their worth and value are fully in the relationship.
Who they are becoming is not equally yolked with who you are becoming.
They lack solid, Godly counsel and refuse to seek advice or wisdom.
They aren’t challenging you spiritually.
There is a lack of peace– THIS ONE IS HUGE!

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Should I seek counsel from others when trying to discern if they’re right for me?

Y.E.S.! But not just from anyone. I encourage you to see WISE and GODLY counsel that you deeply trust when seeking help for relationship discernment. Sometimes our family is not always the best to ask, and that’s okay! Some examples of counsel for these types of situations are small group leaders, spiritual mentors, and reliable, spiritually mature friends.

So REALLY though… how do I know?

Here are 4 signs that they REALLY may be RIGHT for you:

Your top 2-3 core values line up. Don’t forget to check out our FREE guide!
They are a healthy individual on their OWN.
You are attracted to them in more ways than one.
Together you are better for the kingdom than apart.

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If this blog post has your head spinning, it may be time to do some evaluation… The good news is that we have the PERFECT resource to help. Check out our FREE downloadable “Are They The One Guide” if you need a little extra guidance in your evaluation process. It’s filled with an explanation of the term “the one” from a more biblical perspective, tips to help you process your feelings about the person you’ve been dating, and lots of space to self-reflect to determine... am I ready to be “the one” for someone else?

If you want to hear more about this topic, you should check out THIS episode of the podcast!