What does attraction look like in dating?

When you think about attraction in dating, your mind probably immediately goes to physical attraction or how much you gravitate towards a person because of their outward appearance. We often have a backward model of attraction where we believe that physical attraction should always come first and then because we’re physically attracted to the person that everything else will simply fall into place afterward. This can be extremely toxic because it’s more often than not NOT true. Just because you’re physically attracted to them, doesn’t mean that they’re your person. It’s also important to remember the part of Proverbs 31:30 that reminds us that “beauty is fleeting”. With that being said, there is SO much more to attraction than just the physical aspects. Did you know that there are actually 5 different types of attraction?

What are the 5 types of attraction?

1. Emotional Attraction- This can be categorized as vulnerability and emotional safety. Do you feel seen? Do you feel known? Can you share your feelings safely? Can you share your past safely?
2. Spiritual Attraction- This can be summarized simply as being attracted to the JESUS in them.
3. Intellectual Attraction- This can mean that you are attracted to them through your cerebral discussions. You may want to spend time with them because of the topics that you discuss, or because someone makes you think about things in new and challenging ways. Some people find that they need to feel intellectually attracted to someone in order to feel emotionally attracted or even romantically attracted to them, but that isn’t the case for everybody. Different people in different relationships can fill different roles and needs in our lives.
4. Personality Attraction- This type of attraction drives the friendship part of the relationship which is super important.
5. Physical Attraction- This is often the default of the word attraction. Sometimes there IS a physical spark, but many times there is a slow flame that takes time.