Heart of Dating welcomes back Ashley Abercrombie! Ashley was a fan favorite during our Heart of Dating Conference in July and we are so excited to have her speak on the podcast! Ashley  is a writer and speaker, and author of Rise of the Truth Teller: Own Your Story, Tell it Like it is and Live with Holy Gumption. For more than 15 years, she has worked in non-profit spaces, leading faith-based initiatives, serving as a prison chaplain and pastor, speaking at conferences, churches, and events. Having worked on dozens of books with other authors, Ashley enjoys partnering with new writers to help them edit content, and write a winning book proposal. She is cohost of the hilarious and helpful podcast Why Tho, and lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two sons and baby girl.

Today Ashley and Kait have a #REAL conversation about value and self-worth as she tells her story of redemption, overcoming shame, healing from trauma, and overall grasping on to her identity in Christ. 

What advice would you give someone who’s afraid of dating because they carry shame from their past? Could you share a little bit of your journey? 

• Ashley shares her story of having had an abortion and sexual assault she faced.
• 1 in 4 women (and men) have had an abortion and there’s so much shame in this story. 
• Ashely learned the power of her words from a mentor and learned that it’s important what voices she takes with her!
• Make sure the words you speak about yourself match what God says about you.
• Making mistakes or going through something difficult circumstances
•  doesn't mean you don’t deserve love.
• If we’re performing or trying to deliver perfection, we also begin to expect perfection. 
• Brokenness is something that connects it’s not the thing that divides us. 
• We have to let go of other people’s expectations. 

How do we find true value?

• There is a vulnerability in facing the reality that each relationship may not work out and not letting that dictate your value.
• If there are triggers in a relationship that attack your value, it may very well be that there is an area in your life that needs healing.
• The healing journey is critical to holding on to your worth when it comes to facing trauma and getting back into the dating world.

Can you talk about comparison and how that destroys our inherent value?

• If you are single, please keep in mind that SO many people are struggling through COVID: married, single, in a relationship… everyone is facing some loneliness.
• We need to stop thinking that we have to “get a piece of the pie”. The things that God has prepared for you, no one can take from you.
• We live in a social media world which makes it easy to compare yourself, so make sure to set yourself boundaries!

What is your final nugget of Dating Advice?

• Look for a person with integrity and cultivate that in your own life!

Connect with Ashley!

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Get a copy of her book Rise of the Truth Teller on Amazon