The Heart of Dating Podcast welcomes Nathan Clarkson to the show today! He is an actor, best-selling author, filmmaker, and full-time wannabe philosopher on the podcast The Overthinkers. He has appeared on numerous TV shows and films, runs indie film studio Clarkson Creations, and just recently released his new book Good Man. Nathan lives between New York City, Los Angeles, and his hometown of Monument, Colorado, where he hangs out with his golden retriever, Darcy.

On this episode Nathan and Kait tackle the age old question of… what a “real man” is by changing the narrative to discussing what makes a GOOD man. 

Why don't you share with us a little bit about yourself and about your new book!

• Good Man it looks into who men are created to be. 
• The rate of suicde of men is almost 4xs higher than women and is one of the highest causes of death for men under 35. 
• 80% of teen to adult men are addicted to porn.
• Mass majorities of mass shooting, gang violence, and serial killers are all perpetuated by men. 
• There’s a link that there’s something toxic that starts from the early ages of manhood. 
• Men are facing an identity crisis and have wandered into toxic places and have victimized others as an outcome. 
• The book is not just about what men are doing wrong, but how men can live rightly in who they were created to be in this culture. 

What were your previous thoughts about being a good man and what have you learned about it?

• Nathan talks about how growing up, he heard so many things from our culture of what a “real man” should be, but in going deeper he realized that these ideas of a real man were simply surface level. 
• He changes the dialogue from asking “what is a real man?” to “what is a good man?”
• Nathan went to scripture to find these answers and looked to Jesus’ example and how He lived on this earth to define what a “good man” is.
• Being a good man doesn’t necessarily mean a perfect man. There’s a lot of pressure on men to be perfect. All throughout the bible God used, good yet imperfect men.
• All men hear about themselves is negativity and how they’re toxic. While there is truth that there is some toxicity in our culture when it comes to masculinity, to only speak this narrative brings hopelessness. 
• “God is a God of process…. It’s not about perfection, it’s about willingness”
• We live in the social media culture in which every day we only see everyone’s best foot forward which can lead us to believe we’re the only ones struggling. While women feel this pressure, so do men. 

Each chapter of your book is an element of what makes a good man. Could you share what those elements are and dive into a few of these elements? (“Adventurous, devout, heroic, honest, brotherly, healthy, emotional, authentic, romantic, wise, ambitious, fighting, simple, servant-hearted, and committed”)

• Adventurous: In the heart of every little boy is the desire to tell a story and do something greater than themselves. There’s so many men who are depressed, so Nathan talks about how it’s important for men to live that desire in their heart to live for a call greater than themselves.
• Women, make sure to ask yourself if a man you’re dating has a drive to live for something greater than himself. 
• Devout: Being devout is a heart issue and it won’t look the same from one guy to the next one. Being devout is about seeking God in all your decisions, it’s not necessarily looking like the “millennial pastor”.
• Brotherly: When you  humble yourself, are vulnerable, and open up to a community… you better yourself. You want a third party who can push you to be better. It’s necessary for a man to surround himself with good, godly mentors and friends.
• Having people around you takes humility, so a man who does surround himself with community has been practicing humility and has a teachable spirit.
• There’s something unique on the journeys of men and women so it is important for men to connect with other men.
• Emotional: Men are taught to be less emotional than women which can bring hopelessness as men have emotions but are taught to not express them.
• Pain will make its way out of the body in one way or another so when men are not taught to express emotions, you start to see a lot of angry and violent men. 
• “It’s vital to express emotions in a healthy way and healthy place. If we don't it will only come to the detriment of us and other people.” 
• “A strong man of God can cry”.
• Romantic: Being in touch with emotions can affect how you can truly connect romantically as well. 

What is your final nugget of dating advice?

• Find someone who is a whole person. Don’t find someone who is just looking to be in a relationship, look for someone who knows who they are and has passions. 
• Learn to be a whole person before you enter into the dating scene.

Other Resources:

Follow Nathan on Instagram HERE

Discover more about Nathan HERE