We think this IS a red flag you guys!! However, we do think this can come from people’s attachment styles and trauma. This can be a red flag if the person isn’t ACTIVELY trying to work against this. Someone who tends to lean more avoidant and just wants to date around and have FUN can actually be leaning towards a red flag. This is huge if you bring up a conversation about defining your relationship and they avoid it or refuse to go deeper in the conversation then that could be a fear of commitment and that is a red flag maybe even a dealbreaker. It doesn’t mean that’s not a quality person, however, it does mean there will likely be a lot of time and patience involved in trying to work through trust and commitment issues. If someone is using WISDOM by waiting around 90 days to enter a relationship then that is NOT a red flag. 

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YES, it can be! But, also everyone communicates DIFFERENTLY! This is huge, we teach this within our School of Dating program (coming back this fall!!!) more in depth, but, your communication style may not the person you’re dating’s communication style. Some people are DIRECT and FIRM. Some people are EXPRESSIVE and ANIMATED. Some people are long winded. Some people are SHORT. The wild thing is that sometimes the most INTROVERTED people in real life can seem extroverted in messaging and vice versa. Plus, there are people that genuinely HATE texting or phone calls. People are DIFFERENT. 

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If you express your communication style and what feels good to you then you want to see the other person coming towards that. They won’t flip flop but they should be showing effort. 

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The communication game can be the biggest killer to dating/in a relationship. If they waited an hour to text you then what are you going to do? Wait an hour? We teach in School of Dating that if you are genuinely 100% available then you should respond. 

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A LACK OF CONSISTENCY is more of a red flag in poor communication. They start out communicating one way, then CHANGE communication. This creates a fear of being OUT OF CONTROL or fear of rejection. It’s SO important not to attack someone when talking about how their lack of communication is making you feel. 

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In School of Dating we teach 6 big texting tips and here is a quick little sneak peak of a script we give! This is GOLDEN, people love this, laminate it, and use it all the time! 

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This is for our ladies, if he is NOT initiating a second date and is only texting you. Say THIS! 

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"Hey you. I just wanted to let you know, it feels wonderful connecting with you. I loved our date and felt so seen and connected. And for me, I am not a woman that really enjoys texting. It honestly feels boring to me. I feel much more bonded and safe with in person connection. I’d feel so excited to see you again in person. If that’s not what you desire here, that is totally okay, but I will have to move forward."

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REMEMBER: This is you setting a boundary. IF he doesn't call or message you to set up a call after this, you do NOT respond. The ONLY thing you could do would be to gently remind him that you no longer wish to text and would feel great moving over to a phone call.

Men, there should be communication before a date! You should communicate 24 hours in advance, NOT last minute! Always call it a DATE! Use the 2 day rule, and remember that CLAIRTY IS KINDNESS. 

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Women, communicate how he made you FEEL on the date! Thank him, and if you want another date then communicate you’d enjoy seeing him again. 

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Men, communicate how you feel! If you know you want to go on another date, tell her that! If you told her you would reach out to her and plan another date then STICK to that! Tell her when you’ll follow up. If you don’t want another date then affirm her and then be honest, kind, and provide clarity! However, unless there are GLARING deal breakers, we challenge you to give it 3 dates. This is part of leaving people better than you found them. 

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