A lot of big transitions for Dave happened in his college years and early years of marriage. When he went to school he was confident and insecure in different ways. He was really trying to figure out what he was made to do. He started leaning into his strengths in college which were related to his faith. Over time pride kinda hijacked that and he started making some compromising decisions in relationships. He went from a person that he always thought he’d help people, to someone who was hurting people. He then started questioning how he got there. Selfishness hurts the selfish person more than anyone else. He realized he was miserable, and decided he didn’t want to live that way anymore. He tried to recommit to God and His ways. So in his junior year of college he was going to go study abroad but God was calling him not to go that He had something better for him. On the first day of his first class of junior year, a year he wasn’t supposed to be there, in walks Ashley. He wanted to be a better man because of who Ashley was/is. Then in the early years of their marriage he fell back into pronography and so he knew that he didn’t want to fall back in that pit and hide things again so he brought it out in the light and really worked through it. 

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He didn’t have the courage to confess at first. Ashley stumbled upon it on their desktop and it was devastating to her. He saw the unnecessary pain he inflicted on her and he realized he never ever wanted something to hurt her like that. It’s when things are kept in the dark that they fester, but in the light the enemy loses his power. 

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The latin root word of courage actually means “to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” 

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2nd Corinthians 12:9-10 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

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That courage is fuled by grace. Grace begins where you admit you’re powerless. God’s grace can fuel that courage. 

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Dave thinks most men were raised in a culture where emotions equaled weakness. Where women are usually more comfortable expressing through emotion. Men often get uncomfortable when their wives or girlfriends are expressing their emotions because they don’t know what to do with it. Vulnerability man to man is missing. Most men have this idea that if they want to earn other men’s respect then the only way they can do that is to show that they’re totally in control at all times and they don’t struggle. Because men that struggle must be weak and they they’re not in control and they’re not to be respected. This is just not true. Everyone struggles. Real respect comes from real vulnerability and having the courage to say, “I’m growing, but this is an area right now that I’m really struggling and I need some men I can trust to come alongside me and pray with me through this, to hold me accountable to this, encourage me in this area, teach me what you’ve learned in this area.” Until we can have real conversations like that, we’re all just going to stay stuck. 

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Yes, it’s something that Dave things he’s definitely growing in. A lot of times he actually finds himself being vulnerable very quickly with other guys, not to pressure them into being vulnerable, but to really go first in it and let them know it’s okay. Life is too short to never talk about the real stuff that matters. Men are desprate for safe space. Be a man that ushers in safe space. 

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