Fighting Fair & Navigating Conflict

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Fighting Fair & Navigating Conflict

with

Kait Warman & JJ Tomlin

Kait and JJ lead a conversation into something personal that all couples can relate to on the podcast today. Listen in as they share their insights regarding conflicts and differences in relationships in this episode called FIGHTING FAIR. Want to watch their conversation? You can watch this episode on Youtube HERE!

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In This Episode

Let’s talk about conflict and chaos!

Dealing with conflicts

Conflict Cycle

Gender roles and Generic Differences

Let’s talk about finding a safe space

Let’s talk about conflict and chaos!

Be cautious to not mistake chaos for connection.
Do not use the physical connection as a tool for reconciliation.
To get to know the other person, you must have a full understanding of who YOU are.
Conflict can create a lot of resentment and pain in the relationship if it’s dealt with or worked on.

“It’s bad to compare yourself to people who you don’t know the full breath of who they are.” - Kait

Dealing with conflicts

In conflicts, someone is a “Godzilla” and someone is a “porcupine.”
Godzillas are the people that want to resolve the problem right then and there and they are not afraid of conflict.
Oftentimes, the “godzilla” of the relationship can be a little too aggressive.
Porcupines are the people who want to keep things to themselves and when they felt disrespected, porcupines can get prickly and sharp.
A piece of advice for “godzillas” when they get triggered is that nothing good and productive is going to happen by reacting. You will need to take space to calm down.
A piece of advice for “porcupines”, do not respond to someone who is a “godzilla” with a “godzilla” reaction.
Have courage and do not suppress your feelings. Stay with the gap and be knowledgeable of your feelings.
Timing is everything when resolving conflicts.

Conflict Cycle

Conflict - The misunderstanding & disagreements.
Reaction - An acknowledgment of your feelings and if your feelings are heard.
Define the conflict -Talk about the conflict and how it upsets you.
Apologies - Acknowledging the conflict.
Reconciliation - Amending the situation.

Gender roles and Generic Differences

Typically, Women want to be heard. They share a lot of their feelings.
Women typically just want you to listen. When a woman is listened to, it's comforting and makes them feel safe.
They do not want you to judge it or fix it.
Men prioritize feeling respected.
Men are focused on resolving problems and are simple fixers.

Let’s talk about finding a safe space

A safe space is a place where you can calm down or make space to come down through a trigger.
Keep in mind that your partner is not the problem. The problem is the problem.
If you are in a safe space, you are, as a team, solving the problem instead of attacking one another.
Weigh in the solution and find a safe place to calm down from your triggers.

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Kait Warman

Kait Warman is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018.

Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area and loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.

JJ Tomlin

JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.