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Too Picky or Just Right? Why Your Dating Standards Get in the Way

with

Kait and JJ Tomlin

Today Kait and JJ explore the balance of high standards in dating, emphasizing humility, growth, and realistic expectations.

Introduction

Hiii HOD fam, we’re back with another insightful episode in our series on dating standards! Today, your favorite hosts Kait and JJ Tomlin are diving deep into the nuanced topic of High Standards in Dating. Join us as we explore how to maintain healthy expectations without setting the bar so high that opportunities for genuine connections slip away. Grab your notebooks, this is gonna be good!!

Embracing Humility and Growth

Kait opens the conversation by emphasizing the importance of humility and self-reflection in dating. It’s important not to project our high standards onto others, especially recognizing that everyone is at a different stage in their journey. By appreciating where others excel, we create space for mutual learning and personal growth within relationships.

Giving Room for Growth

One of the key points discussed is the value of giving people the time and opportunity to grow and rise to challenges. Instead of immediately judging someone based on stringent criteria, Kait advises allowing room for growth. Relationships are all about evolving together, not finding someone who is already perfect.

Balancing Standards and Judgments

JJ shares wisdom on the risks of excessively high standards. Quick judgments based on unrealistic expectations can close doors to potential growth and deeper connections. By maintaining a sense of curiosity about a person’s potential, we can avoid these pitfalls and foster more meaningful relationships.

Navigating Shared Interests

Kait and JJ talk about the importance of shared interests and lifestyle compatibility. While having different hobbies can be enriching, finding common activities fosters deeper connections. It's about maintaining a balance where both partners enjoy each other’s interests while cultivating new activities together.

Challenging Unrealistic Standards

JJ reflects on societal pressures where both men and women often seek ‘unicorns’—perfect partners without flaws. The hosts stress that real, healthy relationships involve accepting imperfections and embracing growth together.

The Role of Mentorship in Emotional Support

Kait delves into how mentorship has been key in understanding and supporting a partner emotionally. Mentors provide perspectives and guidance that peers often cannot, playing a crucial role in shaping realistic expectations in relationships.

Final Thoughts: Curiosity and Openness

Kait and JJ conclude that high standards should be rooted in curiosity and openness, rather than rigid benchmarks. By understanding our own journey, seeking wisdom from mentors, and embracing mutual growth, we can navigate dating with grace and wisdom.

HOD fam, we hope this episode helps you balance your dating standards for healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Remember, it’s about the journey and the growth you and your partner experience together. Till next time, happy dating!

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JJ Tomlin

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JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.


Kait Tomlin

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Kait Tomlin is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018.

Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area with her husband JJ and their pups Lovey and Teddy. She loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.

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