Today we have Ben Stuart, who shares invaluable insights into the art of breaking up and the importance of wise counsel in dating!
Introduction
Episode Synopsis: Breakups and New Beginnings
Intentional Dating: Lowering the Stakes to Find Alignment
Wise Counsel: Navigating Decisions with Community
Breakups: Speaking Truth with Love
Post-Breakup: Setting Healthy Boundaries and Moving Forward
Hope and Detachment: Navigating Uncertain Endings
Embracing the Journey: Love and Self-Discovery
Hello HOD fam! We're back with an insightful new episode that's ready to tackle a topic many of us encounter but rarely discuss openly—breakups and their impact on our dating journey. This week, we're joined by the brilliant Ben Stuart, who brings his wisdom and humor to guide us through understanding these emotional milestones. Whether you're navigating the early stages of dating or dealing with a recent breakup, this episode is filled with actionable advice and heartfelt discussions. Let's dive in!
Our episode today isn't your usual chat about dating. We're focusing on the often challenging yet crucial topic of breakups and how they shape our path to finding lasting love. From the excitement and evaluation that come with the initial dates to the heartache and healing following a breakup, we explore it all. Ben Stuart offers a fresh perspective, making this a must-listen, not just for those currently dating but for anyone seeking deeper relationship wisdom. Grab a notebook and settle in!
One of the standout points Ben makes is about dating with marriage in mind—without the overwhelming pressure. It's about evaluating alignment rather than putting undue weight on early interactions. By focusing on three critical pillars—cause, character, and chemistry—we create a balanced approach to dating. This helps prevent the rushed emotional investment that often complicates breakups later on. Remember, it's all about finding the right match without the added stress of prematurely deciding on forever.
Ben emphasizes the importance of seeking wise counsel when dating and breaking up. It's about having mature, godly voices advising us, not just peer support. Engaging older, experienced mentors can guide us through our emotional haze, ensuring we make decisions aligned with our values and future aspirations. Relying on this counsel prevents us from making impulsive choices based on fleeting emotions, thus setting a healthier foundation for our relationships.
When the time comes to end things, clarity is key. Ben draws from Ephesians, reminding us to speak truthfully and with love, aimed at mutual growth. He advises against ghosting, opting instead for honest conversations that respect both parties' dignity. Providing feedback should be constructive, aiming to help the other person grow, not to justify our choice or diminish their worth. This practice not only facilitates healing but also helps maintain integrity in our dating practices.
Post-breakup, it's tempting to slip into old habits, maintaining contact under the guise of friendship. However, as Ben shares, this inhibits the essential detox process necessary for moving forward. Healthy boundaries mean allowing both individuals space to heal independently. This separation is crucial—it's about respecting the process of unwinding emotional ties and finding personal growth apart from the previous relationship.
For those left with the lingering "maybe," Ben's advice is clear: treat uncertainty as a potential no. Setting a personal timeline for closure is crucial in allowing for emotional healing. It's important to prioritize self-care and surround oneself with a supportive community to guide through this transition. Embracing this process openly leads to genuine readiness for future relationships when the right person—a definite yes—comes along.
Ultimately, this episode invites us to approach dating and breakups as opportunities for growth. By nurturing wise, intentional dating practices and handling breakups with empathy and honesty, we pave the way for healthy, lasting relationships. Remember, every end is a new beginning, and through this journey, we not only find love but deepen our understanding of ourselves and God's intentions for our lives.
Tune in to this week's episode for more insights from Ben, and embrace these lessons as you navigate your dating journey with confidence and grace. Until next time, HOD fam, love courageously and live intentionally!
Ben Stuart is author and the pastor of Passion City Church, Washington D.C. Prior to joining Passion City Church, Ben served for 11 years as the executive director of Breakaway Ministries, a weekly Bible study attended by thousands of college students at Texas A&M. Him and and his wife, Donna, live to inspire and equip people to walk with God for a lifetime… and they also have one heck of an incredible dating story!
Follow Passion City Church on Instagram @passioncitydc
Kait Tomlin is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018.
Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area with her husband JJ and their pups Lovey and Teddy. She loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.
JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.
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