Mixed Orientation Marriage and the Gospel with Laurie Krieg

with

Laurie Krieg

Heart of Dating is thrilled to welcome Laurie Krieg as we continue our LGBTQ+ series this season! Laurie is a speaker, author, and "Hole in My Heart Podcast "host who speaks and trains extensively on the gospel, sexuality, and marriage most often alongside her licensed-therapist husband, Matt. Laurie also serves on the Board of The Center for Faith, Sexuality & Gender, and is earning a master’s degree from Wheaton Graduate School in Evangelism and Leadership. Today, Laurie comes on the show to talk about her journey of being a same-sex attracted woman who is married to a man. She powerfully tells her story as well as discusses the gospel, the true meaning of marriage, and how we should view singleness.

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*Trigger Warning: This episode may contain conversations of suicide*

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In This Episode

What does it mean to have a mixed orientation marriage?

How have you and your husband worked out your attractions in your marriage?

In your book you talk about true intimacy and oneness in marriage is more than just sex. What did you and Matt learn through tending to these “other gardens” in your relationship?

You talked in your book about initial attraction and mentioned some statistics in mixed orientation vs straight marriages. How did the attraction piece work with you and Matt?

Laurie, how did you feel called to marriage with a man?

Do you have any last minute advice for singles or people who may struggle with same-sex attraction?

What is your final nugget of dating advice?

What does it mean to have a mixed orientation marriage?

The first question we have to ask “am I called to marriage?
There are many people who struggle with same sex attraction, Laurie says that her story is prescriptive
“God does not call everyone to marriage. Singleness is equally valuable”
Then you have to start asking “What IS the purpose of marriage.
Marriage has been put on a pedestal that it’s been taking away the whole POINT of marriage in the first place
It just means that when Laurie is tempted, it’s with a woman.
Just because Laurie is attracted to women, and Matt is attracted to women, doesn’t mean their marriage is broken.

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How have you and your husband worked out your attractions in your marriage?

Laurie shares about her story of childhood sexual assault and how that trauma resurfaced when one of her children turned the age she was.
She shares how everyone kept telling her to get out of her marriage when she realized her attraction towards women
God recommitted to her marriage because she chose to love God first.
She had to once again, go back to the purpose of marriage: It’s giving your heart to someone else and connecting with another human being.
Sex is meant to be a gift, a way to serve the other, and a reflection of Jesus
Sex and covenant is supposed to reflect the present and future of the wholeness and one-ness we will experience in eternity.
Sex is not self-centered

In your book you talk about true intimacy and oneness in marriage is more than just sex. What did you and Matt learn through tending to these “other gardens” in your relationship?

After Laurie realized her trauma, they initially had to put a pause on sex and in a way restart their marriage.
They had to understand that sex is not just a physical release, but a wholistic whole body connection. There are other whole parts to activate
They had to look at how they experience oneness outside of sex.
Sex should be a wash in the holy spirit. God created it to show your spouse a picture of His love for them! This is an example of his present and future reality that He will marry us.
There’s a longing within us… and only Jesus is the only one that can fill it. While we have a longing for sex and companionship, it’s an earthly creation of his that He uses to show His love for us here on earth.
Laurie and Matt talked about how they found connection in relationship, spirituality, family, etc. This is where they found oneness for a while.

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You talked in your book about initial attraction and mentioned some statistics in mixed orientation vs straight marriages. How did the attraction piece work with you and Matt?

Laurie shares her story of meeting Matt and how she describes meeting Matt as receiving a “Holy Spirit huh” type of attraction.
Laurie talks about how even if she is same-sex attracted, she is attracted to Matt.

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Laurie, how did you feel called to marriage with a man?

She started to see God weave her marriage together
Laurie realized that she wanted to do life with her husband Matt, even though he was a man.
Laurie ended up breaking up with Matt for a season and going through a period of depression and feeling suicidal because she said “I thought that to be a Christian, I had to be straight”
She realized that even though she was attracted to a woman and thought she desired to be with a woman, what she truly desired, were wanting to be seen, heard, and loved.
“I fell in love… not with men, but with Jesus”
“You can’t give only part of your life to Jesus”
Laurie also talks about when she asked Jesus why he created female and male relationships and she landed on Ephesians 5.
Marriage is a representation of Christ and the Church and just as men and women are different so is God and humanity.
Sex difference is not a cosmic joke or cosmic punishment, its a divine design to the show the world a picture of the gospel and how much Jesus loves us

“I thought that to be a Christian, I had to be straight”

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Do you have any last minute advice for singles or people who may struggle with same-sex attraction?

Laurie emphasis value for those who are single or same-sex attracted,“I’m sorry for how married people take too much of the spotlight”
Being married and straight is not the only option for Christians.

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“I’m sorry for how married people take too much of the spotlight”

What is your final nugget of dating advice?

Break some social norms or rules TOGETHER!
Laurie encourages couples to have creative ways to have fun!

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Laurie Krieg

Laurie Krieg is a speaker, author, and Hole in My Heart Podcast host who speaks and trains extensively on the gospel, sexuality, and marriage most often alongside her licensed-therapist husband, Matt. Laurie also serves on the Board of The Center for Faith, Sexuality & Gender, and is earning a master’s degree from Wheaton Graduate School in Evangelism and Leadership. Matt and Laurie published their first book, An Impossible Marriage, in October 2020, and live in Grand Rapids, Michigan with their three kids and gigantic Saint Berdoodle puppy, Bingo.

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