Grant started dating around middle school and until he was 30. He and his wife dated for about 3 years. Grant was very fortunate to get saved about a month after a 3-year relationship in high school. She was a good girl and he wasn’t a great guy, definitely not a Christian but he had never cheated on her. So when he found out she had been cheating on him, it crushed him. So they decided not to tell anyone they were breaking up to save face. But they were doing all of this without community or confession so it was all imploding on themselves. That same week Grant gets cut off of his basketball team. He had put his identity into basketball and that relationship, eventually he went to church for the first time and he went on his own to youth group. He and his friend go to this church and sit in the back row. Two things happen, he meets a pastor and a volunteer who looks like him. The second thing that happens is that he hears a testimony of a guy who put his identity into sports and then felt empty and that convicted Grant. This is Grant’s salvation story and he tells it because two weeks later that same pastor called Grant and said that he saw he gave his life to Christ the school he goes to is a pretty rough school and super diverse and he’s been wanting to reach it. Then he asked Grant how serious he was about his faith. Grant had just in the last day or two decided he was going to start telling people he was a Christian. The youth pastor told him if he was serious about it he would take him under his wing, pour into him, and disciple him, and he would put him in a small group of young leaders he was pouring into. His one thing was that if he was going to pour into him he had to go be a leader and try to reach as many kids as possible over the next two years before you graduate. So Grant told him he was down. 

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Emotionally Healthy Spirituality was like a second salvation for Grant. He reoriented his entire life based on that book. He wishes he’d done better in his single years in taking care of him. His wife played a huge role in Grant getting healthy emotionally. His life felt very chaotic, he was living in a plane basically. He thought his single years were meant to be spent pouring out all that he possibly could for the Lord. Through that, the Lord taught him that, God’s never called you to do so much for him that you’re losing your relationship with him. He wishes he had paused on dating. 

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When it comes to accountability it’s actually really good care and love to ask your friends the hard questions. In singleness, start creating those friendships where you lean in and get good accountability because you can’t just wait for it to happen. 

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There’s a list of things but the first Grant is thinking of is because there are so many OPTIONS. 

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ACCESS to more options. 

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With social media and dating apps and the culture of today, we’re used to not having to do as much work. 

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Grant has been thinking through toxic masculinity and even no masculinity it seems like we have a generation of men who are identity-less. It feels like a landmine for men sometimes. It’s a unique time we're living in. Nobody wants to go into the dating scene feeling like there are landmines everywhere. 

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There are a lot fewer guys in church. 

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If you’re a Christian and you’re just having fun but you’re not falling into sin, it becomes a gray area when you’re focusing on them more than God. It’s so hard though because it’s not a right or wrong thing but it’s a right or left. Grant plays video games often and does that with his wife and really likes to do it in his community. He focuses on the mission a lot and then the fun things come after. If fun can be an element or conduit to get closer to someone and evangelize to them that’s okay. 

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If Grant was single and going to focus on relationships he was specifically focused on his friends and mentors as far as energy and time and then dating would be the third focus. The power of being friends with driven Christians is WILD. Grant wants to be around people who have traction and they’re seeking clarity and his primary calling to Jesus. The more time you spend with older people the better off you’ll be. Relationships can motivate you to do 10x more than all the advice. Don’t learn from your own mistakes, learn from others. 

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