First, they’re abandoning their realtionships/friendships voluntarily without you asking, to be with you all the time. They’re saying goodbye to all their other friendships and relationships to be with you ONLY. This is a clear red flag. 

Second, they’re sacrificing (without asking you) for you, giving you elaborate things or TIME. We would be extremely cautious if you’re seeing this upfront. 

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Third, their values melt or deteriorate because you are their top priority. AKA they’re more concerned about quality time together than retaining time with God, other friendships or your valued routines of life. The key thing here is that you never asked for them to do this. 

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Ultimately what is happening is that it might start as idolization but it very quickly turns to a hypervigaliance of the relationship. This is actually a form of CONTROL and INSECURITY that surfaces. You have quickly become the focal point of their life and have become the main source of VALIDATION for them in their life. This is so common and will start to happen around the second or third month of dating. 

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You will typically find this with girls who have been cheated on, it’s a trauma response. It’s not that they’re “crazy” it’s for really great reason that they’re doing this. If they’re insecure about who they are, then they’re going to be insecure about the relationship. You all of a sudden have a God-sized expectation on your shoulders that you could NEVER fill. 

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If it’s not infatuation they’re just very into you, this would probably be the girl being more ignited for the guy than the guy for the girl. Ladies, let me talk to you for a second. If you are more into him than he is into you then it simply will not work. There is NO substitute for a man who is ignited to pursue a woman. 

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If you are a guy and you are interested in her and you’re ignited for her. AND she’s insecure about some things in the relationship, she’s a little controlling, overinvested, if you are comfortable and you know up front that there are going to be some hurdles and work you have to put in and you have time and she is worth it, then you can go for it! It’s going to require so much godly patience, humility and love to make it. It will be hard and challenging but it will grow you so much. 

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To clarify, her wanting to be in a healthy relationship, with great communication, consistently planned dates, having a really awesome trust that you guys both know you can rely on and she has emotional saftey, is NOT the same thing as her being obsessed. 

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An obsession/overinvestment they have abandoned their way of life, their relationship with God, close friends, mentors, and it is EXCLUSIVELY dependent on YOU. You could say that you feel idolized by them, not a partner to them. Or if you feel like you’re an object for their life to fulfill them, validate them, to love them then you are not a partner, you’re a slave to their desires. Get some really wise cousel on this! 

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