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Join JJ as he dives into the reality of a spender and a saver being in a relationship.
and we can’t wait to get into it today. We’re talking about an expensive lifestyle. The funny thing here is that when we look at relationships you usually find a spender and a saver paired together. Very rarely do you find a saver and a saver or a spender and a spender. It’s actually so funny how that ends up.
If you’re a guy who’s getting ready to marry a woman who is a spender then here’s what you need to do. Go to the bank and withdraw all of the money you have extra and then light that money on fire and watch it burn. Savior the feeling. Get comfortable with it. Embrace it. Because this is what you’ll be doing every other Friday until the day you die.
Truly though guys, marriage is a partnership. It’s no longer “his money” or “her money.” The officiant said, “two become one.” Separating the money and splitting the bills is a BAD IDEA that only leads to more money and relationship problems down the road. Don’t keep separate accounts. Put all of your money together and begin to look at it as a whole.
Here’s the thing, everybody has a different background. Everybody has different personalities, values for their time and money and most importantly different backgrounds, different parents, different financial situations, different allowances, different views on money and going out. We’re going to keep it simple today and just say that when you marry somebody, you marry their LIFESTYLE. These values, their background, everything we just listed above.
The reality of this citation is that you can either let them be, indulge, try to make more money and support their wishes, OR you can challenge them. And you WILL fight, you will disagree, you will have budget meetings, you will quabble and BOTH of you will GROW! You will have a healthier relationship in the long ter and you will be able to make decisions together that you are comfortable with and you will make it WORK!
But once you decided to date, go into a relationship, get engaged, get married, you are accepting ALL of them! Their skincare routine, their purses, their nice luxurious vacations, whatever they are spending on. That’s not going anywhere UNLESS you plan on getting on the SAME page. Compromise is HUGE!
Be HONEST with your lifestyle and what you can AFFORD. If it’s the third date and she suggests a nice 3-star mexican restaurant and you cannot afford it, don’t ball out at a place you can’t afford. 1) You cannot afford it. 2) You are setting an awful precedent and essentially lying. 3) You are setting both of you up for massive failure and disappointment.
If that’s not where you are at nor can afford it, be honest! If that’s not okay with her, well she was going to find out anyway eventually so you just saved yourself lots of money and the second thing is that, that’s not a person you’d want to be with. Always be HONEST financially with where you are at. There is no wiggle room on this note, don’t mess this up by not being transparent.
Be savvy and financially secure, THEN date! This is easier said than done, we know this. It’s even a littel controversial because some people date when they are not financially secure and can still make it work. But listen, marriage will be the hardest thing you will ever do, and it will be the most expensive thing you will ever do. But, if you throw in financial insecurity into an already challenging situation (aka marriage) then it will contribute to a miserable marriage.
Last one is to agree on a PLAN! Do this once you’ve been dating for a little while. This can be a great way to build connection and test your team work!
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JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.
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