1. Emotionally low-maintenance. Probably wouldn’t say that outloud though, we’d say something more polished along the lines of, she’s emotionally mature. She handles her emotions really well. She’s never too stressed out or emotional, she knows that Jesus is her safest space so she doesn’t need me. 

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Some men think that because they’re emotionally suppressed they deserve a woman who is also. Know that big emotions exist and that’s okay. 

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2. She doesn’t tell me or ask me to do things I don’t want to do. We’d say something more polite and creative saying, I really want someone who respects my autonomy. They respect my life, my passions, my hobbies. 

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Autonomy in a relationship to make your own decisions is great, it’s fundamental, it’s necessary. Autonomy to do whatever you want, whenever you want is not. Friction is a great thing. 

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As an example, believe it or not, a person saying “hey, JJ, I love you, but watching commercial free football for 8-hours is not great for you. That is not control, that is LOVE and a challenge for you to grow as a man. 

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Believe it or not, a person saying “hey, JJ, I love you, but playing golf 3 times a week and spending all your time and money pursuing leisure is fun but it is not great for you. That is not control, that is love and a challenge for you to grow as a man. 

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JJ would’ve said these next few things were BONUSES, but they were actually qualifiers because if they didn’t have these things on the front end, he wasn’t interested. 

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3. She’s stunning. 

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4. Want the same amount of kids as I do. 

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5. Are cool about giving up their job and being a stay-at-home, and they will take my name. 

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6. Like doing everything with me. 

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7. They book and are an insanely good cook. 

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8. They are also great communicators, but not too annoying. They don’t call me when they have an issue or are stressed, they text me first to see if I am free. 

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9. They have no exes I have to worry about because they’ve done relationships really well and wisely their entire life, which of course means sexually. They have had the best integrity and are virgins. 

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10. They also are really fit, watch everything they eat, have perfect squat form and deadlift as much as me but don’t have traps that are too big. 

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11. She’s also super logical. Never anxious, and if she is anxious, she listens to my logical solutions and is always open to my opinion. 

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If they have ALL of these, then spiritually they are awesome. They are exactly where I am, if not greater. They are humble, kind, selfless, they serve. Why do we love this? Because YOU win. They are selfless to you and serve you. 

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This is a fairytale!!! If you are looking for this, it does NOT exist. If you are looking for this, you are basically trying to marry your best guy friend. You’re not looking for a spouse, you are looking for a fairytale princess. The purpose of marriage is to become more Holy. You are uniting yourself to another human and forcibly setting yourself up to clash with each other constantly, with both of your self-centeredness coming to the surface and that is what you NEED. Instead of that, we’re looking for what we WANT. 

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This comes from living in a world of singleness where you’re getting everything you want. It makes dating and relationships so hard because you’re having to give up some of those things you really want. Marriage requires a huge level of sacrifice. Living in a world of singless where constantly SURRENDERING your way is the BEST foundation for marriage because that is what the best marriage partners learn. 

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Live your life in a way that you surrender everything to the Lord and let him highlight the things you need. 

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One of the biggest areas in your single life to evaluate with this topic is masturbation. We have a really great episode on masturbation with Riley Kehoe, go check it out! 

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