Maybe you just lost someone really close to you. It might not be a great time to go out there and date. Grieving from a breakup, this isn’t a great time to be out there and dating. Breakup as in something significant is ending in your life. Not three dates in, but a true relationship or a long term friendationship. 

‍

Overall, if you’re going through any big life transitions you probably shouldn’t be dating. Anytime people move one of the first things people do is get on the dating apps. And this makes a lot of sense but looking for friends and going to the dating apps to do it, isn’t great. 

‍

What is a major life stressor? It could be that you’re transferring your job and life entirely or you got layed off and that’s a big transition in life and trying to find a new job. Or you move to a brand new state where you don’t know anybody. These are all really big life stressors and probably not the most ideal time to start dating someone. We don’t like to give prescriptive advice but we do think you should give it 3-6 months when you move somewhere new. 

‍

If you’re going through some healing of some major T trauma you probably shouldn’t be dating. Some examples are going through a big car accident, sexual assult, some big trauma coming up in therapy, these are some big T trauma that probably isn’t wise to be dating during. Of course we’re always on a healing journey and will continue to heal through relationships but when big T trauma comes up it isn’t wise to be starting to date someone. 

‍

If we called up the last person you went on 4 or 5 dates with or your ex and we asked them if you’re ready to date right now or would you recommend them, how would they respond? If their answer isn't going to be a great one, it probably isn’t wise to be dating right now. The only caveat we’d give to this would be if the last person you dated was abusive or narcissistic. Dating doesn’t have to look messy and hurtful. 

‍

Is your identiy strong and rooted in Christ? Can you look back on your dating life and take responsibility for where you didn’t do things great? Do you play the victim or are you actively learning and growing and taking responsibility. There is space for grievance. Do you know who you are? Who’s you are? Where you’re going in life? Does every dating experience that didn’t work out leave you in shambles? Rejection shouldn’t lead us to questioning everything about ourselves. 

‍

Dating really is all about mindset. If you have a negative view dating apps or the opposite sex it’s probably going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy and it’s probably going to be incredbily disappointing. In the same vain, there’s never a perfect time to date and get out there but if you’re feeling really negative this is a great time to pause and check in. 

‍

Ask your best friend if they think you’re ready to date. This means you have to have friendships that are healthy and real and vulnerable and honest. You could ask a therapist or mentor too. 

‍

1 Peter 5:5 “Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

‍

Don’t date in a silo. Don’t go out there and date with a loose group of guys who care about you but don’t follow up. Don’t let pride and arrogance dictate the way you date or how you live your life in general. Submit yourself to authority. Have wise counsel not just cheerleaders. You have to have people who are willing to be honest with you. 

‍

A lot of people don’t really think through this, and this is a good one to do right now. Process this with the Lord. The answer to this question reveals so much about our heart.

‍