One of the most negative things about purity culture messaging can be the LEGALISM. Kait says this is basically church leader’s way’s of “shoulding” on other people. Shoulding people into a certain prescribed form of action. Kait wanted help and to tell someone about what happened, BUT she was FEARFUL of the shoulding that would come from those she would tell. 

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YES, we want to steer people towards absence, however there HAS to be more grace, compassion, love and ULTIMATELY a deeper understanding of WHY we’re adhering to absence in the first place. Shoulding makes you adere to certain rules out of FEAR instead of understanding. 

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A deep seed of blame and shame started to take root in Kait. Because of this she couldn’t see her sexual desire for what it really was. Which was beautiful, perfect, and designed by God! All of this ultimately led to years later being sexually assulted, and feeling like she couldn’t tell anyone so she pushed it down, so much so that she forgot it even happened. Years later there was someone in her life that asked her if she had been raped. She started having a physcial reaction to the question, her hands started sweating and she didn’t know how to answer. Deep down, she thinks she knew the truth, however because of her past experiences, legalism, and purity culture it was difficult to remove the shame she felt for the sexual assult. 

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The one phrase that stuck out in her mind was, “make sure to never make your fellow brother stumble.” This messaging indicates that it’s a woman’s job to mitage all lust of a male person. She felt like a male advanced on her, so she thought she hadn’t done a good job at mitigating his lust. She convinced herself it was all her fault. 

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Do you feel shame about your sexual desrie? Do you feel any shame about your sexual history or lack thereof? Do you feel disconnected from your body? Have you been functioning in the ways of absence just because the church has told you so? Do you really and truly deeply understand WHY God designed us for absence or why that’s best for us as a single person? 

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Let’s go into those layers. For some reason we put sexual sin on a pedistal and that’s NOT how God sees it. All sin is equal. What is going on in your heart? Have CUROSITY and COMPASSION for yourself and others when it comes to sexualality!  

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