This week, Kait talks to training Clinical Psychologist and online educator Brittney Moses about triggers and anxiety within dating. Brittney is passionate about sharing the love of Christ by encouraging others to discover their self-worth and purpose in Him. She is an advocate for mental health and well-being as well as encourages others that “it’s human” to go through emotional difficulties. Brittney’s blog proposes tools on how the healthily maneuver through these struggles and find peace in Christ.

Can you share your personal background background in dating?

• Brittney talked about her struggles with  of rejection, abandonment, and disappointment as a teenager.
• Brittney told her story of her past relationship and marriage and how she dealt with codependency in marriage at a young age of 21.
• She talked about how she questioned her worth that marriage as she dealt with unfaithfulness.
• Even though she went through many relationship hardships such as a divorce, she grew a lot from it.
• After her broken marriage, she made the decision to be single for a while afterwards to learn more about herself and her self-worth to discover what God wanted for her.
• “If you don’t love you how is someone else going to love you”.

What is Dating Anxiety and where does it come from?

• It’s very human to have dating anxiety as there are so many “unknown” factors involved and anxiety is fear of the unknown.
• Dating anxiety is not  a shameful things, it’s a natural process. There is a beauty and a sense of vulnerability when it come to relationships.
• Brittney discussed the psychology and science behind anxiety and how past experiences and perspectives shape our viewpoints in dating.
• Talked about what triggers are and where they come from.
• Communication is key when it comes to anxiety in relationships
• Discussed the dangers of assumptions

How does one deal with dating anxiety?

• Develop an awareness and know what your triggers are
• Find ways to work through your dating anxiety and develop a space for self-awareness.
• Having honest and open communication with your partner will help your work through dating anxiety.
• Communication is key when it comes to anxiety in relationships
• Discussed the dangers of assumptions.

How to handle being with someone who has dating anxiety?

• Give your partner “the space for grace”.
• Encourage their healing process, but do NOT take on the responsibility of their healing. You cannot encourage codependency.
• Brittney says you have to have understanding when you are in a relationship with someone who has anxiety.
• Encouragement and positivity towards the other person can go a long way.

What tools can you use to handle anxiety?

• Relationships are a mirror, when you're with someone they begin to reflect one another.
• Understand there’s always going to be issues you’re going to have to deal with when in a relationship, or not.
• Stop comparing your relationship with the relationships of others who have a different background and story.
• The more you practice a new way of thinking, such as the bible talks about renewing our minds, the better we gaining control over our anxiety.
• Remember, you are able to change the chemistry of your brain!
• Have a support system who know your struggles and triggers so that they can hold you accountable and help you.
• You have to be willing to do the work, “If you want to have a healthy relationship, you do have the power to say, ‘I want to be in a healthy relationship and I choose to be in a healthy relationship”.

What is your final nugget of dating advice?

• Brittney encourages everyone to not give up on love! Even if you’ve been through trauma or heartbreak. A healthy relationship is for you! “Your past doesn’t define you, it prepares you”
• Learn to have a happy and healthy relationship with yourself because it sets the standard for other relationships.

Other Resources:

Follow Brittney on Instagram HERE

Follow Brittney for all things Christian Mental Health HERE

Take a peak at her blog HERE