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Today JJ is joined by Caden Fabrizio to share some of his background about a broken engagement and some quick dating tips.
Introduction
Caden’s Dating, Engagement, and Breaking it Off Story
If I had a friend in this situation, how could I help them?
Walk me through, as far as doors opening and closing, you’re at a year of engagement, things are broken off, what did that look like?
You told me previously, that you heard something very clearly from the Lord about a way you were supposed to talk about your ex-fiance…can you tell us about that?
Top 3 Dating Tips for a Single Guy Today
Hey hey hey Heart of Dating MEN, welcome back to another mini man-sode on the Heart of Dating podcast!!! We’re continuing in season 12 and today we’re getting really vulnerable! So if you’re not ready, get ready. We’re to have Caden joining us today to talk about dating and a broken engagement. We’re excited to learn from Caden so let’s dive in!
This is a part of Caden’s story that most people don’t know but he says that it was one of the hardest things he’s ever walked through and it truly shaped who he is. In a way though it was actually one of the best things that ever happened in his life because God met him in such an intimate way and shifted his life.
How long did you guys date and then what did that decision look like to go from relationship to engagement?
They dated for 3 years, met while in college, she was a little bit older than him, Caden was really young, 19 at the time. They started dating and kind of ended up at this engagement point as a natural progression of graduating college and it feeling like it’s what you were supposed to do when you’re in a relationship for a long time. They had some other things going on at the time, doing some social media stuff that was very successful. Caden says he made a very easy mistake at the time of thinking that if things are successful around you, or look good on paper it means God’s hand is on what you’re doing. The reality is that you can be out of the will of God and still experience worldly success on the outside and it doesn’t mean you’re following what God has for your life. Caden could tell looking back that it wasn’t right because he didn’t have peace, he struggled with anxiety, struggled with identity, he was actively walking away from a deep, intimate relationship with Jesus, he was making decisions he shouldn’t have been making, the relationship and the things he was doing were slowly pulling him out of the will of God. But Caden thought that there was success so that must mean it’s the hand of God.
Sooo they ended up getting engaged because someone literally reached out and was like, “do you want a wedding ring?” And Caden immediately went, that’s gotta be God! He didn’t pray about it once, he didn’t talk to a mentor about it, he didn’t even talk to his parents about what they thought. Someone gave him a ring so he went and proposed.
A lot of times we look for God in external signs but we’re not actually looking at the Holy Spirit living in us who can speak to us. For Caden during this relationship physically, things are GREAT. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, things were awful.
What were you paying attention to during this?
Mainly the success and everything going on that made it feel like God’s hand was on it. Then there was also a feeling of, we’ve been in this so long, why don’t we just stick it out. The fear of the pain of the collateral, the awkwardness, the changes are what keeps you in it longer than you should be.
Do you feel like, having felt that stuckness, you have a new compassion or message for people in that situation?
Both! Caden’s encouragement would be you have to figure out in your own life, what God is calling you towards. You have to create a deep, intimate relationship with the Lord to be able to hear from the Lord. Then, trust that when you hear from the Lord he’s going to do what he says he will. Trust the Lord that if you exit a relationship that’s unhealthy in any way that he has something better for your life.
For Caden when they broke things off, he really had to cling to some truths and who God is.
How long were you engaged?
A little over a year. They got engaged right before COVID, they had a venue then COVID canceled their wedding. Caden fully believes the Lord would’ve intervened in some way if COVID hadn’t happened to call off the wedding. Collision was inevitable, it was never going to work.
At what point, when you think and look back, did you realize that it wasn’t going to work?
If Caden is honest with himself then it was probably a year and a half into dating her. If he had paid more attention, hadn’t been so young, if he’d had better counsel in his life, if he had felt like he could open up to some people, he probably would've gotten out of the relationship a little bit sooner.
Were you riding solo? You didn’t have guys 10 or 20 years older than you speaking into your life?
At that time, no he didn’t. At that time it was just him making decisions for himself.
Caden’s friendships at that time, he had a handful of friends in his life that were also young, so they didn’t really speak up. The best thing you can do as a friend, is draw really near to them. People usually try to isolate themselves when a relationship isn’t great, draw near to them in the most genuine way. Draw near until one day the Lord allows you to have a conversation with them, or they know that if needed they can fall back on you.
This is where the difference in a friend or a mentor comes in. A mentor or someone who is discipling you has more authority to say that they don’t bless that relationship and really speak into that. Friends can have the unique role of being there.
At one point his ex just says that she thinks they should break up and he was like okay. They broke up and had some hard conversations. It felt like Caden’s heart got ripped out of his chest and thrown down a hallway. It was a moment of everything he’s built his life on, crumbling. It was heartbreak but also the most insane moment of, what just happened in my life. A couple days after that happened, the Lord met Caden in the most supernatural way. In a moment, asked Caden, walk away from everything, give me your life. When he did that things he’d been struggling with, like anxiety, lack of identity, etc. all GONE. He got new vision for his life, he was reminded of who he was and what he should’ve been doing this whole time, he saw a vision of the future, he physically started to feel his heart heal. It was a process of a few months of his heart fully being healed, but he knew how near the Lord was. It took a full surrender from Caden.
So often you go through a breakup and your closest people will have the most negative opinions about the other person. The Lord made it really clear to Caden one day that he would never speak a negative word about her, ever and anytime someone does, you will pray for her. So Caden has prayed for her over the last 3 years every single time her name has been brought up. You cannot hate someone you pray for, you can’t hold pain for someone you pray for, you cannot wish negative things for someone you pray for, and you can’t live in unforgiveness for someone you pray for.
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Caden is the Executive Director of YONA, The host of the QUESTIONS WITH CADEN Podcast, speaker,
and faith based content creator from Los Angeles, CA. His passion is to encourage this generation to live their best, most fulfilled, life by walking closely with Jesus. His message is simple: “Jesus can offer you freedom and fullness.” This passion to see his generation and the next experience freedom and fullness through a relationship with jesus drives him in all he does.
Caden has a bachelors degree in business from Azusa Pacific and a Masters degree in Christian Ministry from Liberty University Theological Seminary.
You can often find Caden golfing or hanging with friends. Nothing means more to him than Jesus, his family and his friends.
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