Heart of Dating is continuing its select series and today we look back on a conversation with Minaa B. on Friendationships and mental health!

Minaa B. is a writer, author of the book Rivers Are Coming and a licensed social worker. She is passionate about all things mental health and self-care. When Minaa is not working with clients, she is spreading love and light on her mantra-filled Instagram account @minaa_b. Mina shares on this episode that she has had a history of anxiety and depression, and because of her experiences she wanted to bring awareness to it and create a space for people who face it. Mina also wanted to specifically bring mental health awareness to people of color who have had a history of stigmatizing it. On this episode, Mina specifically talks about friendationships, boundaries, and how to avoid them as they can actually be harmful to your mental health! 

To learn more about Minaa and her offerings you can visit her website at www.minaab.com. 

What does it look like to be in mental health space being a single woman and dating?

• Our mental health is our focal point. You have to take care of your whole self to date well, and that begins with mental health.
• People can’t complete each other and you need to be able to complete yourself on your own. 
• Taking advantage of the singleness season is being able to pour into your own mental health.
• In singleness is a great time to focus your mindset on your health and be able to see it as a gift, not an issue. 
• Being single is all about your mindset, and you have to change your thought process if you are miserable in it.

Have you experienced unclear intentions when it comes to dating? How did you deal with friendationships.

• You have to be real about the intentions your seeing in a relationship and not ignore the signs.
• You have to know what you want and your own intentions about that.
• Actions need to be in alignment with what is said.
• Be careful of “friendationships” and relationships without commitment.
• “You can tell me what you think I want to hear, but you’re going to show me what you want to do”
• Communication, whether a romantic or platonic relationship, is key. 
• If we don’t communicate we operate based off our fears and assumptions.

What are some main things we need to know about ourselves to avoid friendationships in the future?

• Work on building intimacy with yourself because that’s what will set the standards for what you look for in another person?
• You want to learn you levels of compromise.
• Be careful not to rush into a relationship simply to feel closeness.
• Make sure you’re finding your worth in the right places first, before putting your worth in a relationship. You have to ask yourself what and why you’re looking for a relationship.
• Looking for deep intimacy begins with looking for deep intimacy with God.

How do you set boundaries in friendationships?

• Look for the intentionality and communicate. Communication is the ground work.
• Ask the hard questions and be clear and ask for that same clarity.
• You have to see what energy you’re giving away to the other person, and set and enforce those boundaries.
• Have conversations and set boundaries for what works best for YOU.
• If you’re engaging in sex, you have to be mindful of what it truly is and the intimacy it brings. Sex does not fix a friendationship and can be harmful outside of marriage.
• Place practical and clear boundaries, whether it’s about having sex, hanging out, calling or even texting.
• If you are friends, have friendship type boundaries.

What is your final nugget of dating advice?

• Date yourself. Even if you are dating someone else, you should never stop dating yourself. Get to know who you are and don’t lose yourself in a relationship.

Other Resources:

Follow Minaa on Instagram HERE