Heart of Dating is thrilled to welcome Carlos Whittaker to the show! He is an author, speaker, and self-professed hope dealer. He speaks at some of the largest churches in the country and at conferences including the Orange Conference, Catalyst, MomCon, and many others. He is a People’s Choice Award winner and host of a popular podcast, while also the author of “Moment Maker”, “Kill the Spider”, and his newest work “Enter Wild”. Carlos lives with his wife, Heather, and their three children in Nashville, TN.
Today, Kait and Carlos discuss the lies that are holding you back not only from your calling but even your dating life.
Could you tell us a bit about yourself?
- Carlos is an author, a speaker, and a visual storyteller these days on social media
- He is passionate about helping othesr find freedom, whether it’d be from addiction, their past.
- He currently lives in Nashville, Tennessee with his wife of 20 years.’
You mention in your book that you spent some time at a retreat and healing center called “onsite”… I would love to hear more about how therapy has worked for you!
- Carlos mentions he’s a huge advocate for therapy
- “Therapy is our help but not our hope”
- Talk therapy is very important as a key to unlock the healing that you want in your life
In my new book “Thank You for Rejecting Me”, I talk about the “dreaded F Word” (failure). Have you ever personally been affected by labeling yourself or having others label you as a failure?
- Carlos talks about how he’s always had a desire to speak and he’s had people not support that or tell him that it’s not his calling.
- He talked about how that type of rejection made him feel like a failure as a communicator before he even started.
- If you have a dream that you’re afraid of failing at, or someone told you that you’re a failure in that thing and that’s keeping you from doing it… you have to break the agreement with that lie and just give it a shot.
- The feeling and lies of failure is not just something that goes away. This isn’t something that’s one and done, it’s something you have to do consistently on a daily basis.
You talk about breaking “the agreement with the lie”. How do you go about doing that?
- Carlos talks about his book he wrote “Kill the Spider” which is about getting rid of what holds you back.
- Lies in turn produce behaviors and those behaviors are medicators.
- In terms of dating, having the lie of failure in dating can hold you back from pursuing someone, seeing success in a relationship, and even harm your relationship with yourself by believing that there’s something wrong with you.
- The medicator of staying comfortable in your little bubble is just as damaging as other ways of unhealthy coping.
- If you say things out loud, psychologist says that it allows your mind and your
- “You have to find truths that replace the lie. You confess the lie, you reject the lie, you replace the lie” -Carlos Whittaker
- Carlos and Kait discuss Christine Caine’s sermon “pick up your mat” and how to move forward from things holding you back.
How do we discern between which voices we’re letting in?
- We have too many voices that we’re letting in
- We’re consuming way too much content these days and there is content fatigue- we need to limit the amount of voice we listen to in general.
- We weren’t created to carry these many stories.
- The same amount of content we take in the first 15 minutes of each day is more content we’re consuming than our great grandparents before us consumed in 30 days.
- After we lessen the amount, we need to look for the fruit of the spirit in the content.
- Limit the amount and the types of voices we listen to.
What is your final nugget of dating advice?
- The healthier you are, the better your dating life.
- Take care of yourself, go to therapy if you need to.
Connect with Carlos!
Follow him on Instagram HERE
Order Carlos’ Book HERE
Pre-order Kait’s Book HERE