Hey mennn, welcome back to another men’s minisode. We’re continuing in our red flags this season with, she’s too controlling. If there is one episode that JJ has held his breath for it’s THIS ONE! If you’ve had or have a controlling partner or you know someone who does, share this episode. This is rampant more than we think! Of course this can always go both ways, but this is a mansode so this is going to be more about a woman that is too controlling. Let’s dive in! 

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Of all the red flags in a relationship…CONTROL is one of the common and concealed red flags. Why?? 

• It’s extremely frowned upon. 
• No guy wants to tell other guys he is being controlled and allowing it to continue. Why would you wnat to air your dirty laundry like that? 
• Basically you’re admitting that you are on a leash, you do not have autonomy over your decisions, you’re whipped and you’re getting dominated. You’re getting taken advantage of, you have no voice or weight, you are being disrespected and taking it. 

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This is why you are always see EVIDENCE of control, never the control itself. It’s always undercover, behind the scenes, in private, in the 1:1 conversation outside the room, always lurking. 

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Guilt tripping: They cannot express their opinion without involving some essence of guild. Here is an example, “Because you are so lazy, I have to yell and get upset because you won’t listen to me any other way.” They lost control and it’s justified because of how you acted. This is never okay and is a form of control. They want to change your behaivor and using you as an excuse for losing their temper and reacting in an unfair way. This is a red flag! 

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Isolation: This is a MAJOR red flag, and could really actually be a dealbreaker. They isolate you from your friends, family, trusted people then this is absolutely control. They invalidate other people’s opinions. They’re always trying to convince you that they’re you’re number one advisors, wise counsel, and these people who may have had your back and known you for the longest time, no longer do. They don’t cheer for you to go seek out wise counsel, they are your wise counsel. 

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They criticize you: This is a red flag and a form of control. Critizing you, your style, your preferences, your values, who you are, they’re chipping away at something or who you are in order to establish THEIR preferences, value, belief system. They don’t respect YOU. There has to be a foundational respect in relationships that this is your life, your relationship, your style, your friendships, diet, and I have to respect that! I may not agree with it at all, but I respect you, your autonomy, your decision to choose. 

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If they can’t criticise you, they’ll CHARM you into what they want: Their love and affection to conditional. This is a very tactical form of contorl under disguise. It’s a TRAP! This can seem and feel overly affirming and letting the floodgates loose of affection when you do what THEY WANT. This is definitely confcerning when it is conditional affection. What about when you do what they don’t want? Are they withholding love from you? 

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After chaos/conflict, there is an overreaction of apology: Some call this a honeymoon period of they actually admitted their wrongs, they are promising to change. They maybe buy you something, they try to get back into your good graces int eh SHORT term vs. sustaining long term change. They don’t want to sustain long term change. They have to fix the power dynamic to get themselves out of the dog house. 

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THREATS: If the person is threatening you when you’re making decisions, negotiations, conflict, or agreements, this is control. If you ever hear, “If you do this ______ then I am going to do this _____.” That is a RED FLAG! They’re trying to pressure you to comply to what they want, and if they don’t then they use FEAR. Any situation where you have to threaten someone to get them to do what you want is super unhealthy. 

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